


But Was It?

by onlyhereforellick



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Post-ep 17x06, not a happy one though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 02:17:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21348616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick
Summary: Seeing them, together, it’ll will break me. If Jake’s infidelity didn’t, and Qasim’s death almost did, this- this surely will.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 15
Kudos: 70





	But Was It?

**Author's Note:**

> remember i said i cut the angst from the other one? Well i couldn’t help myself & here it is times ten
> 
> Don’t hate me 😬
> 
> Sequel to “For Fun, Not For Real.”

It had been six weeks since Ellie’d been blindsided by Nick’s date. Six agonizing weeks. 

She had a front row seat to their growing relationship. How lucky of her. 

She witnessed the moment Nick felt comfortable enough to tell the rest of the team about her. The moment he was okay with her stopping by for lunch. The moment she came to work with him one morning and he’d given her Ellie’s desk to sit at. 

_“Elena, but you can call me Lena.” _ She’d said, sticking out her hand in an introduction as she sat, perched on Ellie’s desk chair.

_“Special Agent Bishop, but you can call me Bishop.” _ Ellie made no move to shake her hands, and instead tossed her jacket over the wall and pulled out her laptop, plopping it firmly on her desktop right in front of her. The thud enough to drive home Ellie’s point, and Elena rose from her chair gracefully without another word. 

Ellie’d come off a little strong and she saw the surprise in Nick’s eyes. At the time, she didn’t have it in her to care. Jealousy for Elena and Nick’s happiness was raging inside her, swallowing her up from the inside out. She knew it was wrong, yet she couldn’t stop it. It had sucked the joy right out of her life. 

Ellie played it off, or at least, she tried to. Most of the team just assumed she was still upset about losing out on the Tater Tots Grand Marshall—she decided it was easier not to correct them. Nick was clearly happy with his new  _woman_, you could never call her a “girl” not like he probably viewed Ellie. No- he found his older, wiser,  _more mature _ woman.  _She_ probably didn’t eat junk food.  _She _ probably didn’t sit on tables to think better.  _She_ probably didn’t get hurt from losing to a high school arch-nemesis when she was in her thirties. No because she was the type to not have been bullied, to not have deep internal scars from years ago that still hadn’t healed, scars she still hadn’t moved past going on twenty years later. Really, Ellie couldn’t blame Nick—he’d gone out and found a woman that could be equal to him, a mature partner compared to her immature  _“baby Bishop”_ self. 

———

She desperately needed to get them out of her head. Elena now regularly came by at the end of a work day and invited the team to drinks, on her.  _Turns out when you’ve been unattached till you’re nearing fifty, you’ve got money to spend_, Ellie thought bitterly. Ellie declined again, like she had, the past eight times she’d offered. Nick cast a wary glance her way, again, like he had, the past eight times she’d declined.

As Nick was gathering his things to go, he bent down to pick up his backpack and Elena chose that moment to send a slight smack to his ass. Ellie saw red. It took everything in her to stay in her seat and not growl at Elena across the bullpen. She pulled out her phone to distract herself, but she could still see the scene unfolding in her periphery. Nick sprang up and swung around to bear hug Elena. He placed her back on her feet and touched his forehead to his. Ellie’s vision blurred. 

Pulling up her messages she opened a draft to Boyd. She shouldn’t- she really shouldn’t. 

Nick rubbed Elena’s nose with his, seconds before dipping his head and going in for a heart-stopping kiss. 

She hit send. 

_ **E**: hey, wanna get dinner tonight? i miss you. _

Nick and Elena said their goodbyes and Ellie lifted a hand in response, not taking her eyes off the three blinking dots on her screen. 

_ **B**: sushi? _

Ellie types back within seconds, not giving a damn about what kind of impression that leave on Boyd. 

_ **E**: get it to-go, my place, one hour.  _

Because it was the exact impression she wanted. 

———

The holidays came and went, Nick spent it with Elena’s family in Virginia. Ellie spent it in DC, alone. Boyd had a last minute business trip that to him to China. Not that she was upset about him being gone, he was just a distraction—something to try and keep her from spiraling. 

It wasn’t working. 

———

The start of the new year brought a new wave of anguish. Nick came back happier, peppier than ever from his vacation in Virginia. Moments after practically skipping off the elevator he bounced over to her desk on his toes. She was the only one here, the only one ready to throw themselves back into work to avoid their real life. 

“Bishop!” He addressed her, and she realized they were back to last names. Calling her Ellie must’ve felt too intimate to him. 

She wordlessly looked up in response, pulling her eyes away from some old cold case. 

“I need your help.” Nick leaned down and started to whisper despite the floor being empty, “I’m going to propose. And I need you to help with the ring.”

The words were a dagger to her empty heart. She barely spoke over the lump in her throat, “Torres, I- I can’t hide another ring.”

“What? No, I need you to pick it out. You know what girls like.” The look in his eye was the only reason she said what she did. The pleading, slightly vulnerable side that she thought he saved for her and her alone. Those days were long gone, but that didn’t mean it didn’t pull on her heartstrings. She’d do whatever for this man, even if he wasn’t hers. 

Apparently you couldn’t distract yourself from true love. It was the only reason she found herself saying, “Okay, I’ll help.” 

The joy written across his face was worth the twisting of the knife in her heart. 

———

The day before Valentine’s Day, the day she’d been dreading for the last few weeks. Ellie had helped Nick with a ring, picked one she’d never wear—that was the obvious choice for a woman so opposite Ellie, anyways. 

Nick’s nervous energy was literally palpable, meanwhile Ellie was doing everything in her power to think about the irony in the situation. 

The man who practically swore off marriage and a family was asking a woman he’d met less than six months ago to marry him. Ellie refused to dwell on the fact that he never saw marriage potential in her. If she did, she wouldn’t recover. 

———

They wrapped up their paperwork, all three at their separate desks working silently. Nick finished first, and shortly after Elena came strolling in off the elevator. A quick peck to the lips and they turned to go. Nick whispered something in Elena’s ear and with a giggle and a wink she waltzed back to the elevator, presumably to wait for Nick. 

He hung back and waited till she’d gone down the elevator. Taking in both McGee and Ellie, he spoke aloud to both of them, “Tomorrow’s the night, wish me luck! And thanks for your help keeping it a secret guys, I love you all.” He looked each of them in the eye, ending with Ellie right as he said his last words. 

Ellie’s heart expanded and she struggled to breathe. How she had prayed he’d say those words to her. Her eyes began to wet, and she knew she had to get out of there- fast. She did  _not_ need Nick to see her crying over him. 

With some mumbled form of goodbye and excuse to leave, she dashed off towards interrogation. She needed to get out, and get out now. 

———

Collapsing into a chair in the first empty room, Ellie’s head fell to her hands on the table and sobbed. All her worst nightmares were truly happening, Nick was getting married- to someone else. 

A quiet rap on the door and the turn of the knob had her head shooting up from the table and wiping her tears furiously. 

McGee peeked his head in, and slowly entered, softly clicking the door shut behind him. He silently grabbed the chair from the other side of the room and placed it next to her. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he gave her a small squeeze. The tears started to spill over again. 

“Ellie you’ve got to tell him. He deserves to know,” Tim pleaded with her. 

She choked out a sob and her head collapsed back onto her folded arms, “I- I can’t, Tim. I can’t do that to him, it’s not fair.”

He scoffed gently, “Sure you can, Ellie. You love him, don’t you? He should know.”

Ellie lifted her head once again and turned to look him in the eye, “He’s getting  _married_, Tim. I loved him, but it’s too late. I can’t do that to him. He’s happy, he deserves to stay that way.”

“But- what if he could be happy with you?” McGee questioned. 

Ellie shook her head, her mind was made up. “No, that ship has sailed. I lost my chance at love with Nick, and I just need to accept that. So please- please, just let me,” she begged McGee with sorrow in her eyes. 

He hesitated before responding, she could tell he didn’t want to give in. She saw the moment he did, the resignation clear across his face. He sighed, “I don’t like it, but okay. What will you do then?”

“I- I don’t know. I tried distracting myself, that didn’t work,” she let out a wry scoff. ”Boyd and I didn’t work the first time, we sure as hell didn’t work the second or third time,” she said with a scowl. “So, I don’t know, McGee.” Truly she didn’t...that is until she said the words aloud, “All I know is I can’t stay here. Seeing them, together, it’ll will break me. If Jake’s infidelity didn’t, and Qasim’s death almost did, this- this surely will. I’m going to put in my request for transfer tomorrow. Or, who knows, I think my mom mentioned the old sheriff back home wants to retire. Maybe I’ll move back home and get back to small town life. At least there I know I’ll fit in, the loser scarecrow who could never win.”

Tim’s face crumpled for her, but she could see the understanding in it, too. “I- I won’t fight you on leaving, I can’t blame you, Ellie. Honestly, I can’t see you enjoying small town life—and you know you are  not a loser scarecrow—but if that’s what you want to do, then I’ll support you. You’re like a sister to me, you know that right?”

Tim’s words echoed an earlier sentiment last year when he spoke of Ziva. Tears formed in Ellie’s eyes as she remembered the hurt she felt when Tim had called her a sister but not Ellie. With a burst of emotion, sad and happy tears started to flow once again as she threw her arms around a surprised McGee. She’d miss this fourth brother she’d acquired in her years here at NCIS. Barely above a whisper, Ellie replied, “I know Tim, I know. I promise, I’ll keep in touch.”

Tim pulled back slightly and held her at arms length, “When do you think you’ll leave?” 

Ellie hadn’t considered this yet, but when asked the question, it was clear. “Tonight. I can’t be here any longer. I can’t see his face after it happens. I know it’s wrong to leave with no notice, but I can’t do this a minute longer, McGee.” She stood to leave, the chair in interrogation sending out a screech in the silence. McGee followed her motions, leading them to the door. 

With one hand on the door knob, he just nodded. The grief for his friend evident across his face. “We’ll miss you, Ellie. So, so much. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” she said with a small smile. “I’ll miss this ragtag family of mine. But it’s time to regroup, find happiness for myself again.” 

And with that, McGee opened the door for her, and she was gone. Ellie grabbed her coat and bag and left. She didn’t bother with the items on her desk, no- she’d ask Tim or Kasie to send them to her later. She needed to be out of this building faster than she needed her next breath. A long drive home awaited. 

———

Remaining silent long after she’d gone, he pressed his forehead against the glass. His head threatened to explode after what just happened. Nick couldn’t believe his ears. 

_ Ellie loved him. Ellie left. _

From the other side of the interrogation room, he knew neither Tim nor Ellie realized he had listened to every word, watched every exchange, wept for every tear that slid down her pretty face. Nick was torn, and that was an understatement. The sharp pain inside his chest was undeniable. He brought his hands up to his breastbone in a weak attempt to stop the pain—it didn’t work. 

_ Ellie left. _

Nick had craved for the moment Ellie would admit her feelings to him, had desperately, impatiently waited for it. Until one day, he’d given up hope. Decided to find someone new that would take his mind off her. He just didn’t expect to like his distraction as much as he did. But now...what the hell did he do? Did he act like nothing happened? Did he go after her? Did he still love her?

If the unrelentless stabbing pain in his chest was any indication, he just might. 

“ _ I loved him, but it’s too late.” _

But was it?


End file.
